Social support is a biological necessity.
We are not meant to mother alone. Having a support network is so important, especially in the early days of motherhood.
I’ve been reading ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel van der Kolk a great book on trauma and the mind, brain and body in relation to how trauma impacts and how we can heal from it.
As van der Kolk points out our social connections become even more critical when things go wrong or we experience an event that can leave us traumatised.
“Study after study shows that having a good support network constitutes the single most powerful protection against becoming traumatised.”
Finding the people that make you feel safe, people you trust and who will respond by providing that space and safety for your experience, is critical to preventing trauma. Where trauma has occurred finding someone (or people) you trust to work through this is critical to healing from it.
Today, finding that network is made harder by distance and increasing social isolation (especially while we live in a time of COVID).
It’s also really difficult to speak up and admit when things are hard or you’re struggling or you’ve experienced trauma in pregnancy/birth. We can fear judgement, rejection, pity, unhelpful advice giving, crossed boundaries, etc from those closest to us. How we feel/what we’ve experienced may be minimised or brushed off as ‘something to get over’.
But we NEED to start speaking up more - we need to find those people who will hold space for us and support (sometimes this will be a trained professional, sometimes a friend or family member, sometimes a community group or other group you connect with through parenting).
It’s taken me the better part of two years, a second pregnancy and birth, being honest about who I could lean on for support and speaking to them openly about my experience. Most of my network is interstate or overseas but they have been critical to my well-being, healing from birth trauma and first steps into motherhood.
I’m curious, where did your support people show up for you in motherhood? Or are you struggling to find them?
