I took this photo twelve months ago. I can see the tiredness etched under my eyes and there’s a tug in my mind remembering how tired I felt too. It was an ache down to the bones. I desperately needed a break, needed support. I’d finally reached out for support weeks earlier but that didn’t alleviate the day-to-day and it’d be months before I could see someone for psych support the waiting lists were so long.
I wrote this poem on one of those days that were particularly hard. For me but also my little one as he was having a hard time. I don’t remember if it was teething, a bug or growth spurt. It could have been all of them really.
I’m longing for some freedom,
Or even a little space.
My arms are heavy, back sore,
But I am your favourite resting place.
The guilt of trying to do it all,
And not getting even close.
It pulls at me on days like today,
Days when you need me the most.
I long for just a little more time,
Maybe a second set of arms.
Trying to juggle the needs of two,
For everyone, being the voice that calms.
But the moment I scoop you back up,
Your head nuzzles into my side.
Small hands reach up to my face,
A smile breaking an ocean wide.
I breathe into the knowing,
That while I feel the need to be alone.
You and I are pieces of the same puzzle,
And to you, I am home.
